Current TV Snapshot

Borrowing from Johnny A Go Go:

Television Shows That I Am So Making Love To Right Now

My Name Is Earl (which should be called "My Name is Randy")
Project Runway (big points for the essential Tim Gunn podcast)
Law and Order: Criminal Intent
Kath and Kim (I need a PAL/all-region DVD player so I can watch the early seasons)
Ham on the Street (OMG is George Duran hot)
American Idol

Television Shows That I Will Send A Warm Holiday Card To

The Office
Will & Grace
Law and Order: SVU
the first ten minutes or so of Live with Regis and Kelly (I'm so ashamed)
Hope and Faith (so, so ashamed)
Paula Deen
Frasier reruns
Arrested Development
Reliable Sources (CNN on the media)
Queer Eye episodes involving beefy Moose Lodge members posing naked as a charity fundraiser

Television Shows That I’m Sending a Rare Strain of Ebola Virus Disguised as Pez

Dr. Phil
Oprah for giving us Dr. Phil
Lost/Desperate Housewives/24
Four Kings
Noah's Arc
Anything on MTV
The View

Lemony Snickets Photomosaic

I made a dessert that I call Lemony Snickets.

1. 01 Lemon Cake Mix, 2. 02 Lemon Instant Pudding Mix, 3. 03 Add Eggs, 4. 04 Four Eggs Total, 5. 05 Vegetable Oil (3/4 cup), 6. 06 Stir, 7. 07 Spray the Muffin Tins, 8. 08 Bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes, 9. 09 Powdered Sugar (4 cups), 10. 10 Lemon Juice (1/3 cup), 11. 11 Vegetable Oil (3 tbsp) and Water (3 tbsp), 12. 12 Lemon Zest, 13. 13 Out of the Oven, 14. 14 Dip the Entire Snicket into the Glaze, 15. 15 Lemony, 16. 16 Snickets

New phrase

Last night's Law & Order: SVU. The boyfriend and I are semi-delirious, because we had just finished two hours of American Idol, slightly time-shifted on TiVo because commercials are for losers, right? Which means we're starting our Meloni & Mariska at 10:30 or whatever. Crazy.

The show opens a Manhattanite chasing her cute little dog, which is always trouble. A friendly couple stop the dog, leading to this lovely dialogue:

Man: Got him! Hey, what have you got in your mouth?
Camera pan to the dog chewing on something red.
Woman: That looks like afterbirth. Did your dog just have puppies?
Owner: No.
Woman: I've had three kids. That's human.
Concerned looks cut to faster walking cut to shot of garbage bags with the sound of a newborn crying. Chung chung!

Seriously, the scene had to be rapidly paced, and it had to get a lot of info across to the viewer in a short amount of time, which meant going from runaway dog to discovered baby in about six seconds, but who in the right mind would ever be able to recognize afterbirth?

Try saying "That looks like afterbirth" in a concerned tone right now. It's ridiculous. It could only be used ironically -- Nina Garcia critizing Santino's latest over-the-top extravaganza, not "OMG, there's an abandoned infant in the dumpster."

So thank you, poor unappreciated two-line L&O:SVU actor. Your line reading totally made my day, and added a new phrase to my personal lexicon.

New Crush

Last week's My Name is Earl was Mariah-level insane. Randy, as always, is the hottest "I-don't-realize-how-hot-I-am" bear on TV.

But Jon Favreau's guest spot was so great, I had to burn it off my Tivo. Highlights include:

• Earl, raging with jealousy over Jon F.'s fantastic life, not being able to resist sneaking a peek when the two are at the urinal
  
• Earl's realization that, yes, there's one more thing to be jealous of
  
• When Jon senses the look, Earl mutters something about "not being able to focus", Jon suggests that Earl blow on it. "Here, let me show you".
  
• Finally, Jon's ultraswank prison metal cup with the Sharpied inscription World's Best Bottom

What's not to love?

Honeymoon Killers

Very intrigued by this article on John Waters' new television venture. He's going to be the host of Court TV's first scripted series.

"[Waters] will be seen at the opening of each episode of 'Til Death Do Us Part, attending the wedding of the happy couple, then guiding viewers through scenes from the doomed marriage until they find out how and why one spouse whacked the other."

His character is called the "Groom Reaper". Could be bad, could be brilliant.

I dug around the Court TV website, and I can't for the life of me figure out when the show will premiere. I guess I just gotta create a Tivo wishlist.